Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
