and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
