you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
