It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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