I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
