she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
