This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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