Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
