I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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