shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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