Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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