so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
