how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
