Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize