Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
