how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
