I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
