do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
