You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
