I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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