She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize