I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
