I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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