help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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