I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
