The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
