i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
