new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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