Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
