Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
