And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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