I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
