Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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