I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
