also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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