You're completely useless in the revolution.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
