I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
