I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
