I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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