I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
