These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
