nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
