I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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