she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
