He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
