I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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