So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
