see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
