He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
