I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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