Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
