My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
