I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
