2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
