listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
