so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize