At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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