well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
