Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
