is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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