Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was not drunk enough for that final.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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