burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
