he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
