...so i touched it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
