I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
