Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
