Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
