those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize