This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
