I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
