"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
