Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
