the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
