Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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