About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
