she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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