Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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