the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
