omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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