Pants 0. Shit 1.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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