The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
