have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
