I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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