homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
