So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
