im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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