he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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