Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
