At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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