pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Soap is not a condiment
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
