just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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