He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize