I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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