for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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