well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
