Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
