I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
