I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
