I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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